Gen fantastic marriage
Each generation has specific marriage attributes. When shared, these differences can help other generations succeed in their marriages.
A couple of screen tests proved it wasn’t a joke, but my high school and college-aged kids told me the concept was boring. I, too, did not expect it to get picked up. But it did stir their curiosity to know what each generation expected in marriage, which ones stayed married longer and which had the best relationships.
Learning what the four generations want from marriage can help us understand and strengthen our own relationships. And it can guide us in the help we can provide one another. Within each generation, couples share general characteristics that may not apply to every couple within that generation. So it’s important that we do not stereotype. That said, let’s look at each generation.
Traditionalist marriages teach the other generations that “Am I happy?” is not the main point of marriage; fidelity is. My traditionalist grandmother would say, “Kids these days give up too easily. We had a hard decade.” Though some traditionalists were not happy or fulfilled in their marriages, many grew into love that brought happiness and fulfillment.
While younger couples seek older couples to guide them, high expectations make baby boomers, who have struggled in marriage, reluctant to mentor. That’s unfortunate, because Gen X, millennials and now Gen Z respond to authenticity, not perfection. Boomers need to tell stories about couples who waited to have sex until marriage and never wavered in their commitment. This will help millennials see it is possible. And divorced people can lay out the pitfalls with authenticity: “If I could do it all over again . . .” can be powerful as well.
Generation X was born between 1965 and 1980. When Generation Xers saw the divorce rate double, it made them more skeptical about marriage. But it also motivated them not to put their children through divorce. Their desire to avoid a breakup, as well as weather the economic ups and downs, caused them to marry and have children later, often cohabitating first.
Gen Xers brought realism back to the marriage vows. While boomers wanted it all, Gen Xers demonstrated that protecting their marriage required tradeoffs. They redefined success as more than money and houses, and they saw firsthand that the second marriage was not the magic answer when they were disappointed with the first one. They knew
Because Gen Xers expect marriage to have hard spots, they have made it easier for all generations to ask for help. My wife is typical. If she and I have been arguing off and on about something for a couple of months, she will say, “Let’s call Tim. I know we’ll figure it out, but why take six months for you to realize when he can tell you right now that you are wrong?” (Yes, she really does say that, usually with a smile.)
Millennials were born between 1981 and 1998. They have a lower divorce rate than baby boomers or Gen Xers and are romantics. Millennials believe in love and marriage (in that order). They marry later, which is one of the reasons millennials have the lowest divorce rate.
Constant reports that marriage may not survive the millennials and Gen Z are inaccurate. While more than a quarter cohabitate, just over half of these millennials want to marry eventually, even among those cohabitating. Though they postpone marriage, they do not postpone sex. Today, the majority in the United States believe marriage is important but not essential for a happy life and for well-balanced children.
This reinforces again that millennials will welcome encouragement and advice, if older couples will help them figure out the challenges of marriage—for a millennial’s generation instead of their own.
